Tassie truisms

I leave Tassie at least two kilos heavier than when I arrived, but fifty kilos lighter in spirit.

I’m well aware that as someone who has accrued four weeks’ annual leave I’m probably the last person in the world who ought to be spruiking the benefits of taking a holiday. And with the amount of things left to do before I go, it might seem to some an ill-advised use of my time. But honestly, stepping away from the madness and chaos that has consumed my life of late has been the best thing I could possibly have done.

You’d think that (dramatically) someone about to leave everything she knows and understands behind would have a very good sense of perspective, but in fact it’s been quite the opposite. I’ve mourned the loss of my mattress, yet refused to confront the idea of losing my best friend. I’ve thrown myself into fits of depression over buying single-class tickets instead of ten-week term passes. I’ve tried to cram months of conversation into days, tried to speed up friendships, shed tears over the thought of not seeing people I’ve only known for weeks, held on even when it’s held me back. Every cafe seems sentimental, every dinner possibly the last. Everything has been crazily out of perspective, and it’s because I’m terrified by what I’m about to undertake.

Here’s what I’ve learned from my time away: beds are replaceable, no matter how much you paid for them. STD – and international – phone bills are a necessary pain to be accepted gracefully as a part of doing business. Ballet exists in London. And no matter how much you want to, you can’t accelerate the process of getting to know someone. Time is a stubborn beast, and it won’t be hurried any more than it can be held back. They will either cease to matter, or the universe will give you another chance somewhere down the line.

After four years of wanting to be overseas, I’m finally going to get there. Will it be different to how it would have been if I had left as planned back in 2007, or even headed overseas in 2009? Certainly. But it’s my belief that everything happens for a reason and that there are no missed opportunities, only a plan that hasn’t become clear yet. Sometimes it’s hard to trust in the universe, and harder still to find the balance between allowing things to happen and making them happen yourself. How do you blend equal parts of Fate and Self-determination?

I think the trick is to follow your heart and see what happens.

It’s funny, my boss and my parents have made such a fuss about me leaving, but the truth is that their lives will go on without me. They don’t stop because I’m on holiday, and they won’t stop when I’m overseas, either. Similarly, my life keeps ticking on even when I’m not entirely sure where it’s going or what I’m doing.

And curiously, instead of making me feel invisible or dispensable, it gives me the freedom and confidence to move forward.