Garlic, onion and ginger

With nine days to go, I’m losing my marbles ever so slightly.

In fact, I’ve lost them several times over the past few weeks. There have been birthdays, celebrations, farewells, tears, laughter, a death in the family and, as always, a certain amount of cooking and creation. Coffee dates have an air of finality to them. People have come out of the woodwork, wanting to meet up, catch up, say goodbye. They ask me “When do you fly?” and I tell them “the 23^rd of June”, and we look away, and count the days in our head.

With my emotions in turmoil, what I’ve been thinking about is the notion of connection – physical, mental and emotional. The Holy Trinity. You need all three to make a relationship work. Sure, one leg might take more of the weight sometimes, but without any one of those pillars the whole thing falls over. And the fact is, it's damn difficult to get all three, but it's like poker; you get all three, or you walk away with nothing and live to play another hand, somewhere else, at another time.

When it takes forever and a day to meet someone you click with, and then you find out that you’ve only got two of the three, or when there’s just one but it’s so strong you can't think straight, well, that’s the tricky bit. Because what happens then? Sometimes it's easier to stay. Sometimes it's easier to give up on the two (well, technically three) in the bush and settle with the bird in hand.

I know how difficult it is to keep the faith sometimes – oh boy, do I. But I haven’t given up on the trinity (gee, how Catholic did that sound?!), and I don’t think anyone else should, either. I believe it will come for me one day and when that day happens there'll be no hiding from it no matter how skilled I am at sabotaging relationships.

We all dream of champions who won't let obstacles stand in the way of love. Who will not only climb mountains just for a glimpse of your face, but MOVE THEM to be with you. Someone who is good for you, who is meant to be with you, isn't going to let you push them away or run across the oceans.

What I keep thinking about is a statement I heard recently, attributed to this person’s grandmother: 'Danny, what's for you will not pass you by.’ I’m not blind to opportunity, and as long as I keep an eye out there occasionally, I believe what’s for me will eventually find me.

And God, it's comforting to relax, to park self-determinism and leave it to Fate for a while.