I worry about a lot of things.
When I was young, and Sesame Street ruled the tube, I used to relate to Ernie, that lovably feckless character who went on his merry way, wreaking unintentional havoc that Bert used to have to clean up. My parents were expertly overprotective, and curiously my reaction to this manifested itself in an unshakeable feeling of freedom.
Subtly, I grew to understand the nature of my parents’ concern: toasters were not always unplugged, strangers were not always kind, applause was not always genuine and deals were not always a bargain. The constant Today Tonight atmosphere of my household pervaded my existence, causing me to fret more frequently and about more subjects, until I claimed my rightful place in the hall of overthinkers.
These days, I’m Bert, the eternal worrywart whose wide eyes are concerned with pretty much everything they see. Ernie, don’t touch that! Ernie, are you sure it’s real? Ernie, of course you can’t go backpacking in South America by yourself, don’t be ridiculous!
Sometimes I wonder if the natural by-product of growing older is growing more suspicious. I wonder if too few of us escape the niggling sense of cynicism that comes with seeing too much; like cancer it spreads throughout our lives and stops the functioning of normally healthy thought processes. Eventually, thinking negatively becomes a habit from which it’s hard to escape. At the core of its blackened soul, cynicism is a fear of happiness, a fear to trust that things can be good, and right, and genuine. A fear to trust that you will be okay if the worst does indeed happen.
But even though being hurt or disappointed is terrible, I think living in fear is the quickest path to a life half-lived, and it’s ultimately heartbreaking. So my mission in London is to recapture the sense of lightheartedness that has too-oft been missing from my life. And if this means I have to laugh and eat and drink my way through every market, every bar, every cafe and restaurant... well, I consider that to be a bonus.
1 comments:
If you ask me, I think Sesame Street has a lot to answer for! It's the key to why our generation need the urban lifestyle! I walk around Newtown most days and love teaching in the city, and I think it's because I want to subscribe to this vision of a cosmopolitan neighbourhood that can encompass Oscar the Grouch and the Ernies and Berts of the world (well, there are plenty of homeless men and gay couples in my area). Though I think I'd like to be Big Bird: he always had something observant to say about the world....
Katy
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